Ramblings – MarlyK's Ramblings

Weathering the storm

Maybe one silver lining to this crisis is that we’ll finally appreciate the value of true leadership: It’s a lot more than cruel words disguised as “straight talk”. The mark of a good leader shouldn’t be gauged by the strength of the stock market. Maybe we’ll stop equating kindness with weakness and dismissing uncomfortable truths as “fake news”. It’s precisely at times like these when we realize how essential to true leadership are moral courage, inner strength and kindness. You can’t be a true leader — hell, you can’t be a true grown up!– if you’re not willing to get real with yourself and acknowledge the ugly stuff you’d rather not face. In the absence of true leadership, we’ll have to find those qualities within ourselves and nurture them as much as possible. So, if you’re stressed, find a way to self-soothe. It that means praying, by all means, pray. If you need a walk in the park, it’s possible to do so and still practice social distancing. If you get grounded by dancing in your underwear, Risky Business style, indulge — (just tape the camera on your laptop). Paint or sing or journal. Find the discipline to fight your fears as they pop up. And when you’re feeling strong, reach out to others. Write or email or FaceTime them.

Be well and take good care.

“Sullivan’s Travels”

In the face of current events, many writers, artists and filmmakers feel a sense of inadequacy. “What good is my work in times like these?” they ask themselves. We’re not doctors or scientists. We’re not saving lives, like they are. It might even feel that telling stories and entertaining people are irresponsible endeavors, akin to playing the fiddle while Rome burns. I see it differently, having survived a difficult childhood thanks to the necessary escape that books and movies provided. When I felt lonely and powerless in those years that I still remember as the worst of my life, Fred and Ginger saved my life as they waltzed in luminous black and white. Rita Moreno expressed some of my own disappointment with America in a swish of skirts in West Side Story. I learned about surviving much bigger disasters than verbal abuse and mental cruelty thanks to For Whom the Bell Tolls. Cervantes made me laugh. Gogol and Chekhov took me to the Russian countryside.

I was stuck in a painful reality and all I wanted was to be transported to another time, another era, another place, and into someone else’s experience, someone else’s joy. So, don’t take lightly the ability to entertain and provide a rest stop, an imaginary shelter from life’s inescapably painful and terrifying moments. In the words of Joel McCrea in Preston Sturges’ Sullivan’s Travels, “There’s a lot to be said for making people laugh. Did you know that’s all some people have? It isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.”

Fear vs. Comfort

I recently read that in China people have become so accustomed to seeing closed-circuit cameras everywhere that they get nervous in areas without them. Think about that. The natural world has no ccTV. When it first came out, it made a lot of people nervous they were being surveilled or followed. For most of human existence, people lived without any cameras or recording devices and humankind survived. And now, ccTV cameras are so ubiquitous people are afraid or uncomfortable without them. It’s a powerful lesson about fear and comfort.

That kind of fear is an illusion. There is no real danger, just a lack of comfort or a new experience. But it can feel real and scary! Very often, we’re terrified of something just because we’ve become comfortable to a certain reality — but if you change that reality, you can still survive. Sometimes you can even thrive. And once you get to the other side, the place without ccTV, where you can truly be alone without anyone watching you, you can actually feel liberated. You’ve stepped into a new world and that’s exhilarating.

Some Thoughts on Fitness, Body Image and Self-Respect

Every new year comes with resolutions, one of the most common being to lose weight or, at the very least, to finally get fit. Sometimes we want to lose weight because of a health scare, but a lot of times we just want to look better. Women are bombarded every day with images of perfection, beauty, youth–ideals that can wreak havoc on our self-esteem. Others rebel against these ideals and refuse to conform to society’s impossible standards by refusing to work out or lose weight, sometimes even if it affects their health. Either stance is problematic because they’re both reactions to external opinions. This new year, I want to suggest an alternative view, one that’s entirely self-driven. Hear me out.

Continue reading Some Thoughts on Fitness, Body Image and Self-Respect

A Spankin’ Fresh New Year

Happy New Year!

I live in NYC where you’re often measured in terms of your accomplishments: books published; awards won; promotions earned; marathons ran, etc. That’s how we often think of personal growth–in terms of the externals. Or maybe that’s how it seems to me because that’s how I was raised and so that’s how I valued myself until recently. The problem with this outlook is that, while it can be tremendously rewarding, sometimes all the work you do does not necessarily garner public recognition. And then what? In this day and age, with Facebook and Twitter, I get the sense that if you don’t talk about what you’re doing, writing, training for, then people get the sense that you’re not doing anything at all. I feel a loss of respect and regard from some quarters and my little ego can get very bruised if I get on that train. I acknowledge that the problem to overcome here is my own proverbial Latin bourgeois fear of “el qué dirán”, what people will think.

Continue reading A Spankin’ Fresh New Year