Tips on Accepting Feedback

No matter how well you write, few of us has such exquisite control over our material that we can be 100% sure of how our stuff reads to an outside party. This is particularly true for new material and comedy. In short, we spend so much time alone, scribbling away, that we may lose perspective on how a piece might impact a reader.

Hence the need for a trusty outsider who will provide useful insights. Sometimes, though, you can have too much of a good thing; too much feedback can be overwhelming and even debilitating.  How to go about integrating this pile of comments? And is every single comment necessarily useful and on point? Distinguishing a pertinent comment from one that’s completely off can be a trick in and of itself.

Here are some tips on handling feedback:

1. Never ever say, “They didn’t get it.” Listen, it IS possible that people won’t get your piece. No doubt about it. It is also possible that some people will get it and others won’t. However, if people are consistently “not getting it,” there’s something you as a writer have failed to convey to the reader. So be brave. If you’re not willing to look at your failings, how will you ever improve?
   
2. Wait a few days. After you’ve slaved over a piece, you might be too involved to accept critique. Detachment is necessary in order to evaluate our work objectively.
3. You are not your work. I know. This can be difficult to believe, but your value as a human being is not dependent on whether your work succeeds or fails. In fact, even if you write the worst crap imaginable it doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to be a terrible writer. You are going to write a lot of crap throughout your career. You are also going to write brilliantly. Think of writing as if it were baseball. Babe Ruth hit 714 home runs in a 21-year career. That’s a lot of home runs, but he still wasn’t able to hit it out of the ballpark every single time he was at bat. Beating up on yourself for the risks that didn’t pay off won’t make you write better; it’ll just stop you from writing. 
4. Watch for similar comments. Are all your readers confused by a character’s motivation? Are people consistently missing something that you thought you explained? Okay, so this is an obvious one, but I’ve seen people argue with a whole classroom of people saying the same thing. Besides, arguing never led to understanding. Bite the bullet and accept that if 9 out of 10 people are not getting something, you have to fix it, even if it’s something you love.
5. Does a comment strike a nerve? If you get a comment that stings, pay attention, even if it’s the only one of its kind. Writing isn’t therapy, but sometimes we over-identify with a character and get angry when people don’t like him. Or we fall in love with a sequence. If someone points out that this sequence is fantastic, but it’s a distraction from the main story, you have to be brave and cut it. Unless, of course, you’re writing a novel and you’re James Joyce.
6. Does a reader have a perspective you’re not privy to? Are the women consistently telling you that your female characters’ reactions are not true to life? Is the reader a parent, a producer, or an actor? Each one will give you a different insight, but pay attention. Don’t just listen to industry people, though. The bulk of your audience is going to be made up of regular folks so pay them the respect they deserve.
7. Reflect on the vague comments. Giving feedback is an art and not everyone does it well. You might get a lot of “Oh, I don’t know, it just felt off” or “I just didn’t like that scene”. This is frustrating because you don’t know what is or isn’t working. But this doesn’t mean that you get to ignore these comments. Read the sequence in question aloud and then step away. Sometimes you’ll hear right away what’s wrong and other times the answer will emerge after a good night’s sleep.
8. Go with your gut, not with your ego. Now, you can’t always listen to every single comment or opinion or you’ll lose complete perspective. In your heart of hearts, you always know if a comment makes sense or not. Learn to distinguish between your gut and your ego.
9. Are there any happy surprises? I’ve been focusing on the negative, but sometimes we get the writerly equivalent of the toy in a Crackerjack box. People may respond to something that you did well and you weren’t even aware of. Maybe it’s a joke. Or a scene that elicited a strong and unexpected emotional reaction. Doesn’t matter what it is, you did something well almost without trying. Learn from these as well. They’ll keep you afloat when you have a bad day.
10. Be thankful. Dude, someone read your script, all 120 pages of it! They took time out of their busy schedule to carve out two hours for your story. That’s an act of generosity and faith in you right there; even if you grit your teeth at every single comment they’ve made, thank them. They’re helping you become a better writer.
11. Keep your own manual of style. After a few scripts, you might begin to see some patterns. Maybe you have a tendency to overdescribe things. Or maybe you use too many adverbs, or have a weakness for grand speeches. Write these tendencies in a notebook and you’ll be more aware of your flaws. This will allow you to become a more mindful writer.