Red Butterfly
  • Humor
The Work Ethic for Babies

As a final humiliation, Chris Whittle, the company's charismatic chief executive and founder, recently told a meeting of school principals that he'd thought up an ingenious solution to the company's financial woes: Take advantage of the free supply of child labour, and force each student to work an hour a day, presumably without pay, in the school offices.

"We could have less adult staff," Mr. Whittle reportedly said at a summit for employees and principals in Colorado Springs. "I think it's an important concept for education and economics." In a school with 600 students, he said, this unpaid work would be the equivalent of "75 adults" on salary.

Source: The Toronto Globe and Mail.

I'm glad someone in corporate America finally identified a segment of the population that inflicts emotional pain on others and yet is miraculously protected from victimization. I'm not ashamed to declare it. Child labor is GOOD. It's very very good. I mean, what else are the lazy little tykes doing anyway? Playing Nintendo, eating MickeyDees, intimidating passengers on subway cars.

Hardworking Underage Workers.

Hard-working children on a well-deserved cigarette break

Do you realize all the time kids waste? Doing what? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!!

They get spoiled, that's whut. I say let them stitch together Nike sneakers like their counterparts in Asia. Get a healthy sense of competition. Perspective. That's whut.

And then they want an allowance. For what? you ask them. For putting the dishes in the dishwasher? For taking the dog out to play? For that they demand $20, $50 a week. That's the average annual salary in Vanuatu. In Kaga Bandoru, those same $50 will buy you an elephant, a kerosene lamp, a water pipe, an AK 47, and six child brides. Meanwhile, the kids here blow it all on cds, clothing, makeup. Nothing like working for minimum wage to make them understand the true value of money, I say.

Just think how much easier it'd be to shut their little traps when they demand stuff for Christmas.

"You want a new DVD player? Well, you'll have to earn it -- or assemble it yourself, just like your contemporaries in Hong Kong!"

The other good thing about child labor? No labor unions! Judging by their failing grades in reading comprehension, they probably haven't been paying attention in Social Studies class -- their minds haven't been contaminated by socialist ideas yet. Also, I'm sure working will succeed where condoms and sex education have failed. See how much boinging they'll want to do after a double shift at the factory.

If the little twerps complain, remind them: they're 1/75th of an adult. You ask me, Chris Whittle is unto something.

Valid XHTML 1.1